Dear San Diego Hikers

Here are a few things I hate about you:

  • When you walk 15 paces behind your big mutant dog.  Your big mutant dog’s leash is folded up neatly in your hand, and your dogs trots up to anything it wants to.  Maybe it’s friendly? Maybe it’s not?  Maybe I don’t want to find out?  Maybe you might want to be able to control it when it meets other dogs, rattlesnakes, coyotes, and mountain lions?  Just a thought.
  • Why is silence so bad?  Or why are headphones too expensive for you?  As great as your top 40 music sounds on your fucking SMARTPHONE, maybe you might consider that people want to experience the silence of nature?  You may think you are in a gym with no ceiling, but no you are actually in nature.
  • Sorta brings me to my next point – people who run up and down steep San Diego mountain trails.  Sure it’s a great workout, and you’re in a big hurry.  But you might want to consider that you’re running on loose dirt and rock (stuff that is hard enough just to walk on), and you might slip and die.  Seriously, some of the trails we are on are steep – the danger is real.  Most importantly however I do not want to be knocked off a mountain.
  • Your bare chest.  That’s right guys, I don’t care how great your Situation Abs are.
  • Your conversations about how many times you broke up with that guy.  As much as I love you girls in your 3 inch high booty shorts, your conversation topics are so completely vapid.
  • I hate your jeans.  That’s right stop working out in jeans, or our most recent sighting – black dickies.  It’s seriously difficult to watch.
  • And finally – I know you want to have memories of your life accomplishments.  But if you want to travel faster then me you need to either not stop every 50 footsteps to take some goofy iPhone duckface photo of you and your friends… or have a less vapid conversation so I don’t have to listen to who you’re doing on Friday night.

Thanks.

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